so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
