Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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