He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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