There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
