she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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