So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
