I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
