She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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