I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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