Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
