This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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