I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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