The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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