I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
