After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
