so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We named our party play list daddy issues
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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