I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it glows. i had to have it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
