I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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