I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
