I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
