I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
