you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
MIDGETS
????
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
