I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
