Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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