we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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