why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
