If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Drake has all the answers
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
