That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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