He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
