what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
