Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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