I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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