I met the friendliest cop last night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
