i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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