hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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