Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
