Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
