I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
