she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
