im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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