Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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