Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
