areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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