....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
