Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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