and you said cock pushups were impossible
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
