and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
