i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
