you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
