you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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