I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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