yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
